Finding Happiness - Part 1. You are the Guru

When I was younger, I didn’t really understand what people meant when they’d say ‘life is a journey’. I was in my 20s, I was living it - what more could there be to life, than that?

There’s an immediacy to life when you’re young, everything is new, everything is to be experienced - life feels infinitely long, full of potential, without risk. That’s how I lived it anyway, and I’m glad of every minute of it. 

Because now, in my 40s, I’m beginning to see how we grow and change, how we learn and develop. How some of the things I used to love have lost their appeal, and how things I thought I would never enjoy, have become mainstays of my every day. I know myself better - I hope that I understand life a bit better too.

It’s not that I have become more cautious - leaving a comfortable life in London to set up my own business by the sea isn’t exactly a safe option - but I have learned from the twists and turns of my life, from the things I have done well, and most definitely from the things I really messed up.

I have learned to be kinder, less judgemental, more forgiving - of myself and others - and I have learned, above all else, to start trusting in myself, in my own instinct, because, ultimately, no one can know us like we know ourselves, and if we are looking outside of ourself for answers, we will most likely discover what’s right for someone else, but rarely, what is right for us.

In Stillness We Receive

If you’re not sure exactly where I’m going with all this, take 5 minutes for the following experiment:

Find a quiet place away from distractions and interruptions.

Turn your phone off, turn off the radio and tv. If you feel inspired to do so, light a candle. 

Make sure you have somewhere comfortable to sit - I wouldn’t lie down, it’s too tempting to fall asleep - and then just close your eyes. 

That’s it. 

Close your eyes.

After a few seconds you can start to notice your breathing. Very gently - making no attempt to change anything. Just notice. Are you breathing fast or slow? Are you taking deep breaths or breathing at the top of your lungs, shallowly. Is your body tense, or relaxed? Are you holding your shoulders in a strange way, or clenching your hands?

Sit in this way for as long as feels comfortable - 5 minutes is a good place to start; if you’re enjoying the experience, increase it to 10.

Because this here, in the stillness, this is you. You with the racing thoughts and the endless to do lists; this is who you are. This is you, planning your next meal, wondering how to fit in some exercise between work and meeting your friends. This is you, here in the stillness.

And, take it from me, you may not always like her! You might much prefer to be running around, chatting and laughing, eating and drinking - anything, actually, that will take your mind off what’s really happening inside. Because meeting ourselves is not always comfortable - but it is always important. And it is always useful, whether we might like it or not.

Because there, in the stillness, we begin to hear our next right step. We discover that actually we really don’t like yoga, or running, or swimming, but that we would love to try dancing, or hiking - if only our friends liked it too… And here’s a strange thing - gradually, with time, if you stick with it, you’ll start to find the friends who do want to go swing dancing, or mountain climbing - because there, in the stillness, you are starting to listen to yourself, to your own inner guide, and nothing, and no one, can guide you better than her.

So take 5 minutes today, and stop looking outside yourself for answers. 

Go inside. Discover your true self. 

Get to know her, be kind to her - accept her as she is. Learn to love her (the good and the bad) and when you’ve done that, turn that love outwards. Love your friends; love your family. Find love for people you would much rather hate. Try to understand, try to accept. 

Because you do know - you do have the answers. 

You are the guru.

Further reading:

Braving the Wilderness, by Brene Brown

You are the Guru, by Gabrielle Bernstein

Women Who Run With Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

This article was inspired by the work of the above writers. I share their teaching because it has helped me, and I hope very much that what I have learned, might help you too.