Finding Happiness - Part 4. Forgiveness

Why forgive? Surely if someone has wronged us, they deserve our anger, our lasting resentment.

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. - Buddha

Forgiveness is one of the hardest skills to learn, but possibly one of the most useful. It can create freedom where there has been rigidity, peace where there has been turmoil.

Forgiveness is not condoning a person’s bad behaviour, it is not belittling the seriousness of the misfortune, or hurt, or damage caused. But carrying negative emotions with us wherever we go, does not harm the other person, it only harms ourselves. The resentment, bitterness or hurt lives on inside of us, colouring how we respond to life, changing our perception of the people and opportunities that come towards us.

We see betrayal where there is none, we see a helping hand as someone trying to put us down. We become disconnected from the goodness and abundance of life; we become small, trapped inside our self-made cage of pain and anger.

So how do we find acceptance, where there is only anger or pain? 

Settle into your quiet space. 

Find comfort in the warmth of the blanket, the support of the chair at your back, or the walls surrounding you.

Take a deep breath in and exhale with a loud sigh. 

Take another deep breath in and exhale with a long, loud sigh. 

Continue to take long slow deep breaths in, exhaling even more slowly, until you begin to feel a sense of calm, of security. 

In this moment, despite everything that may have happened, you are ok. 

You are always ok.

Trust this quietness. Trust this peace.

In this state of calm, try to see the other person’s side. To put yourself in their shoes. Did they intentionally hurt you? Perhaps were they just acting in their own best interest, not really considering your needs or feelings. The pain they have caused will be no less real, but it might help to realise that it was not maliciously intended. 

Recognise your hurt. Name it. Recognise your anger. Name that too. 

And here is the most important part: FORGIVE YOURSELF for their treatment of you, their behaviour towards you. If you were part of the problem, find the strength to own that too. Learn from it. Do not repeat the same mistakes - and then let yourself off the hook.

If a person did not love or respect us as we wanted, if they were not able to fulfil our needs, that does not make us make us bad people. Maybe you weren’t well matched as a couple, perhaps the job was a bad fit, or simply, the situation was beyond the person’s control. That does not mean you are a terrible human being, flawed, it does not mean that you will never find a place that feels like home.

We are none of us perfect. We all deserve love, and we are all worthy of it.

Give yourself time. Forgiveness is not something that happens over night. 

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the conversation… Everything is waiting for you. - David Whyte

You are your own best guide. Take care of yourself. Allow yourself to welcome a brighter future.

Copyright elliot. organics 2022