Five years on - what is wellbeing?

What is wellbeing? It’s a word that’s everywhere now, but what does it really mean? For me, it’s a sense that everything is in its right place, of inner calm and contentment. It means feeling well, mentally and physically. We feel able to handle the challenges life brings and we aren’t looking outside ourselves for solutions or validation. We are well as we are. 

Which might sound simple. And with social media offering us a new route to wellbeing every few seconds, it might seem easy to achieve. But it was the search for something more genuine and long lasting, that eventually led me to change my whole life.

And five years on from that hiatus, it feels like the perfect time to take stock. Have I achieved what I set out to do? How is my work-life balance now? Is a daily sense of wellbeing actually possible in today’s world?

It’s funny what you remember. I’ve never been one to keep much ‘stuff’. I don’t do well with clutter; knickknacks and ornaments tend to gather dust and move on pretty fast. So I didn’t have much, but what I did have (clothes, some furniture, art books and a few favourite pots and pans) had gone in a van a week or so before. All that was left, was coming with me (in a suitcase) on the train. And that would have been fine - except for this ridiculous oversize yellow straw hat that had somehow missed the van and for some reason, couldn’t be left behind.

It’s still on my wall today -  something about it says the south of France to me. Grace Kelly in ‘To Catch a Thief’; sun decks and boats on the water. None of which I have, but they’re definitely part of the dream life I’m still trying to create. So the sunhat came with me on the train, making quite a simple journey an exercise in balance - and patience. Crowded trains aren’t exactly designed to accommodate large straw sun hats.

But I knew I couldn’t stay in London. Looking back, I had two main two drivers. Starting the brand was something I had been thinking about for a long time, but the actual decision was brought about by this really visceral need to get out of the city. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And it wasn’t just the air: I couldn’t stand the number of people fighting to get on the tube in the morning. The moody grey silence in those packed carriages at 8.15 every morning. The work I was doing. I loved my flat, but my day to day felt suffocating and really out of sync with my inner sense of myself. 

So I hatched a plan - a plan that looked something like this:

Sunshine

Fresh air

Time for myself

Time for yoga

Meaningful satisfying work

Great food great friends great conversation

A sense of inner calm, contentment. 

And for those of you who need a little more definition in your lives, I can see that my plan might have been a little sketchy. But it was enough for me - and the physical need to make a change outweighed everything else.

Contentment. That’s the key word. For me it comes from a sense that everything is in its right place, in balance. A feeling of quiet calm that comes from knowing where you are and what you’re doing. 

And can you achieve that, working for yourself? Absolutely you can, but it doesn’t just happen - and in my experience, you don’t just step into a new life. 

It takes time to create new habits and new routines. It takes time to meet new people and find places that feel like home. It takes a long time to feel comfortable when you’re pretty much starting from scratch. And you are starting from scratch, because to run a business, you have to learn a lot - and I mean A LOT of new skills.

So this dream many of us have of escaping the rat race, moving somewhere new, starting fresh - it can be great and it can be everything you hope for, but it has to be consciously created. Taken day by day with a lot of patience, tenacity and determination. Because you will trip up, you will make some almighty (and probably expensive) mistakes and there will definitely be days when you question everything you’re doing, have done and are planning to do in the future. Because that’s what change feels like.

Change can be really, and I mean REALLY, uncomfortable.

I left London as a menswear designer with some great experience under my belt. I had worked for some great brands and lived in some great cities - but I had never run my own business. I had never built a website or submitted a VAT return; I had never had to do an ounce of marketing and now that’s pretty much all I seem to do. My days can still feel overwhelming and are frequently stressful; I have to be incredibly organised not to miss things - and I’m pretty terrible at replying to emails promptly, if I manage to at all.

So the dream is now mixed with a hefty dose of reality - but there are plus sides. I have a dog; something I could never have done in the city. I get out in the countryside most days for an hour or two; there is an energy that I get from being in nature that feels like nothing else. I define my days and I decide who I work with. I feel intensely proud and humbled every time someone places an order. 

I’m still learning new skills and I definitely don’t have all the answers, but I would say that genuine wellbeing comes down to some pretty simple things: a sense of personal autonomy. Time to take care of yourself physically and mentally. Nourishing food and the company of people who want to lift you up, not knock you down. A clear awareness of the difference.

So if you’re looking to make some changes, big or small, I would still say this: do it. Genuine wellbeing doesn’t always come easy and it might only come slowly, with baby steps. It might feel strange and you might alienate a few people along the way, but we only have this one life, so let’s open up to it. When things get difficult, own those feelings. Acknowledge them. Be kind to them - don’t shut them down. 

Don’t walk away to avoid discomfort. 

Nothing good comes from a comfortable familiarity that isn’t working for you. 

The alternative path could well be rocky, but there is always sunshine ahead.

Copyright elliot. organics 2024